Perks of the Job
by Ilyusha
Summary: G1. Slash: Red AlertxInferno. There are definitely perks to being the Security Director.


Disclaimer: As per usual, the good things in life are not mine to have, but belong to someone else... in this case Hasbro, Takara and IDW and anyone else I've forgotten…  
Feedback makes friends. Flames dealt with by the masters of paranoia and fire, Red Alert and Inferno.  
Warnings: Fluffiness, snuggles and mechs getting it on! Long and rambling author's notes…  
Authors Notes: Written for 'apathocles' who's just had big owwies… to cheer her up! It should have been Blitzwing pr0n, but Red Alert flat out objected to that… Inferno however was up for it… which is slightly worrying but nonetheless…  
The author would also like to apologise to Bluestreak, but once she gets going writing his one sentence paragraphs, she finds it very difficult to stop as she gets excitable writing it and overeager and starts acting very much like Bluestreak and finds it very difficult to stop unless someone comes up behind her and hits her over the head with a wrench or not because that might actually hurt and it wouldn't be nice and --thunk… thud… silence--  
I have never written anything this 'cracky'… well, it feels cracky to me, but I shall leave that up to your discerning tastes…  
And what is it about the words 'Inferno's ladder' that just make me want to dissolve into a fit of embarrassed laugher?  
The list of prompts I was given after requesting were:  
--Red Alert has to save Inferno, for a change. Result: SNUGGLES.  
--Red testing out a new bondage security device, or using the security cams to make home videos. Result: SNUGGLES.  
--Saving kittens from trees. Result: SNUGGLES.  
Needless to say, my warped brain tried to combine all of them, resulting in this fic… which I will let you read now…

* * *

There were perks, he decided, to being Security Director and having control over the security of the entire base. Especially the security cameras. Reviewing the previous days tapes could be time-consuming and tedious, but every now and then something interesting happened. 

Like the time he'd seen Prowl and Jazz kiss in the corridor.

Or the time he'd seen Bluestreak sneak into the Twins quarters.

Or the time Wheeljack had actually carried out his threat and hauled Ratchet from the med. bay by his chevron.

Yes, there were definitely perks to being Security Director. For those dull tedious times on shift when there wasn't any Decepticon activity, Red Alert found himself reviewing his small collection of videos. Hidden deep within Teletraan's archives, they were double and triple security locked. Only he had the code and password to unlock them and any unauthorised attempt would automatically back the files up to a completely different location and delete the originals. Red Alert was nothing if not cautious. It wouldn't be a pleasant situation if the other Autobots found out what sort of recordings he had of them.

Brought out of his musings, Red Alert managed not to jump as his internal comm. sounded.

"Yes?" He probably answered a little more harshly than he usually would, but he didn't like being taken by surprise. Well, that could technically be a lie; he didn't mind being taken by surprise, it just depended on who was doing the taking.

"Er Red?" Inferno's voice came hesitantly over his comm.

"Inferno?"

"Little help would be much appreciated here…" Red Alert huffed out a sigh.

"What have you done now?"

"You might say I've gotten in over my head."

"What? How…? Wait, I'm not sure I want to know." Resigning himself to helping out a mech. twice his size, Red Alert made a quick note in the security log and left the control room to find someone to take over his shift. It wouldn't be hard. All he had to do was concentrate and he could produce the sparks that had the others practically dragging him down to the med. bay.

It was his bad fortune that the first mech. he met down the corridor was Bluestreak. Still, Inferno needed him and he wasn't about to let him down.

"Bluestreak…" He grasped at the gunner, helmet horns sparking. "I need to see Ratchet, you must take over my shift…" He panted, knowing full well that the impressionable young gunner would immediately agree.

"What? I mean of course Red Alert, I wouldn't want you falling into stasis or anything and are you sure you don't need me to help you down to med. bay or contact Ratchet so he can come up here and get you or?" Red Alert's audios gave a metaphorical sigh of relief as Bluestreak stopped talking.

"Thank you Bluestreak. I'll manage to get to see Ratchet on my own. I just need to make sure the monitors are covered." Here, he deliberately made himself spark again before continuing. "You never know when the Decepticons might attack!" He raised the pitch of his vocaliser and watched Bluestreak's optics widen.

"Go. I'll cover your shift, just get yourself down to Ratchet before you fall into stasis and I have to carry you down there myself, because although you're smaller than me, I'm not exactly as strong as Huffer or Brawn or Ironhide and it would be awkward for me to carry you down to medical and you know how Ratchet gets when you call him away even if it is an emergency, he still shouts and swears and…" Bluestreak continued rambling as Red Alert nudged him none-too-gently in the direction of the control room before continuing down the corridor. Never again would he complain about Inferno talking too much.

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Once outside the Ark, he commed Inferno again to find his partner's exact location. Surprise filtered across the transmission as Inferno sheepishly gave his answer and requested that Red hurry. Transforming, Red Alert did so, utilising the speed of his alt-mode, yet not breaking the speed limits.

Even with his speed, it was still a good half-hour before he reached Inferno's location. Slowing down, he almost swerved off the road as he took in the scene before him. Inferno was sitting at the side of the road in his alt-mode, sagging on his wheels, a sure sign he was upset. Several humans had gathered around him, discussing him and the situation in loud voices, seemingly uncaring of the feelings of the Autobot sitting next to them.

Red Alert pulled up next to Inferno.

"Look, there's another one."  
"But this one's smaller."  
"Might actually be useful!" Red Alert's processor did a double-take at the conversation, vainly trying to find the logic in it. The brief thought that he was glad Prowl was not here crossed his processor before he dismissed it.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"I was just trying to help…"  
"This idiot here scared it!"  
"Further into the branches!"

"Stupid Autobot."  
"But my poor Twinkie!" Red Alert rocked on his wheels as everyone (including Inferno) tried to explain all at the same time.

"Wait! One at a time. Inferno?"

"There's a kitten stuck in that tree Red. These folk here thought I was the fire brigade and called me over to help. So I did. But every time I get close to it, the poor thing runs away and climbs higher into the tree."

"Please sir, won't you help get my kitten down?" With a sigh, Red Alert transformed, crouching down next to Inferno and focussing on the tree in question.

The small ginger kitten was perched precariously on a thin branch near the top of the tree. He stared at the kitten for a moment, sensitive audios picking up its pitiful miaows. He made his decision.

"I will help. Inferno, I will need the use of your ladder." Desperately he hoped the larger mech. wouldn't put up a protest. Strange that for a mech. with an alt-mode of a fire engine, Inferno's most sensitive part would be his ladder. The simple act of running his fingers along the rungs was almost enough to bring Inferno to overload. Putting that pleasurable thought to the back of his processor, Red Alert concentrated on the situation at hand. The most obvious solution (as the humans were not going to be much help) was that he climb Inferno's ladder to rescue the kitten.

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"Well that was close." Red Alert muttered as they made their way back to the Ark.

"Weren't it just…" Inferno's voice was thick with frustration. And it certainly didn't help that Red Alert was driving mere inches in front of his bumper, tantalisingly close yet untouchable. Really, it wasn't his fault that his ladder happened to be sensitive. It was perfectly fine when Red Alert exploited that fact when they were alone, but to feel those hands resting delicately on his rungs when they were in public and unable to do anything was something he would rather not experience again. Of course, he wanted to experience Red Alert's hands on his rungs again as soon as possible.

"We need to get back to the Ark and get you sorted out as quickly as he can." Red Alert announced in his usual voice, not a hint of desire slipping through in his tone. He hadn't really meant to scare the kitten by reaching out to him too early, forcing the kitten to jump to a higher branch in an attempt to flee what he perceived as a threat. Which meant that Red Alert had had to shimmy carefully up Inferno's ladder, chassis pressed close for support as he reached out with both hands to the small kitten. Finally, his hands felt soft fur and he pulled back, the kitten firmly enclosed in his hands. Shifting awkwardly on the ladder, wondering if he was the only one who could hear Inferno's soft moans, he made his way back down to give the kitten back to his owner.

"Twinkie my darling Twinkie… did that nice Autobot save you. Say thank you to Mr. Autobot. Thank you Mr. Autobot.

Red Alert swerved on the road as he laughed at the scene as it replayed in his processor.

"Red…?"

"Yes Inferno?"

"You know I like your aft… just don't be waving it in my faceplates when I can't do anything about it." The request was voiced in the tone of an order and Red Alert couldn't help but smile inside.

"Sorry." He replied, his tone suggesting he was anything but apologetic.

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The moment they got to the quarters they shared, Inferno showed Red Alert how much he liked his aft. And various other bits of his chassis. To say that Red Alert remained passive throughout the encounter would be a lie. Straddling the large mech. he teased wires and stroked seams until Inferno was writhing beneath him, pleading for overload. Inferno's hands rested on Red Alert's thighs, thumbs stroking small circles across the plating. Metal ground against metal and cooling fans joined the vibrations of their engines and the pulsing of their energy fields.

A bright flash, a searing glance of bright white heat and blissful oblivion was the overload they achieved.

When Red Alert succeeding in onlining his optics again, he found himself curled up against Inferno, the larger mech's engine rumbling softly indicating he was recharging. Red Alert let out a happy sigh and snuggled closer to Inferno.

Definitely perks to being Security Director.

* * *

Additional Authors Notes: I have to say I think Red is slightly OOC here, but then it makes a change from me playing on his paranoia... anyway, hopefully you laughed enough not to notice! 


End file.
